Her Time
by RoMaHazz
Summary: Susan's downfall after her final adventure in Narnia. Final chapter is up!
1. Chapter 1

"Well! We _have_ had a time," said Peter.

Edmund said something afterward, but Susan didn't hear it. All she could think of was Aslan's voice, saying that she and Peter could never come to Narnia again.

"…buy you another one when we get to school," Lucy was saying. "Right, Susan?" She turned expectantly toward Susan, but Susan wasn't looking at her. She was staring at the ground, unblinking. Lucy looked at her, concerned. "Susan?"

Susan snapped out of her trance. "Hmm? What?"

"What's the matter, Su?" asked Peter. Susan glared at him. As if he could pretend that nothing was wrong!

"I'm fine," she muttered, and she returned to her blank stare. Why never again? _Why, Aslan?_

The other three children looked at each other uneasily and said nothing. A train pulled up and Lucy bent to pick up her bag. "Susan?" she said nervously. "Our train is here."

Susan slowly picked up her bag and turned away from the boys without saying goodbye. Lucy waited, glancing at the boys with apology in her eyes. Peter awkwardly cleared his throat. "Goodbye, Lucy. Don't worry, boarding school isn't as bad as it seems." Lucy tried to chuckle, but Susan still made no sound. "Susan?" Susan sighed and turned her head toward him. Peter was shocked; she had never behaved this way before. "Susan, if it's about Narnia…" he said carefully.

Susan swung fully around; Lucy had to jump out of the way of her swinging schoolbag. Susan spoke with rage in her voice. "What else could it be about? I would rather never to have been there than to have been there and unable to go back!"

There, she had said it. For a moment, no one spoke. Peter, stunned, tried to think of something to say. Edmund and Lucy just stared.

Without another word, Susan turned and walked toward the train. She looked back at Peter angrily before climbing aboard, then sat where he couldn't see her. The other three stood still with worry in their eyes. "I'll try to talk to her," Lucy said, finally.

There was nothing more to be said. Lucy hugged her brothers and climbed on the train. Susan was looking out the window, tears forming in her eyes. Lucy cautiously sat down next to her. "Susan…?" Susan shut her eyes and turned her face away from her. Lucy sat on the long train ride, trying to think of some comforting words. She couldn't.

That night, in bed, Susan was awake behind closed eyes. In her mind, she tried to imagine why Aslan wouldn't allow them back to Narnia. _Why, Aslan?_ She had stumbled there as a fulfillment of an ancient prophecy. She had seen the Hundred Year Winter's end. She had seen Aslan sacrificed for Edmund's treachery. She was there when He was alive again. She had seen the battle won, the White Witch defeated, and Narnia restored. She had become a queen, loved by many and named Queen Susan the Gentle. And now, at the end of a sadly short adventure with Caspian, Aslan had brought the news that neither she nor Peter could ever return to Narnia. _Why, Aslan?_

She suddenly heard a voice, a low and sweet voice, stern yet tender. "Susan." She knew that voice! She sat up in bed and listened. "Susan," it said, louder.

"Aslan?" she whispered.

"Daughter of Eve, these things are not for you to know."

"But why, Aslan?"

"You will understand one day."

"Why not now?"

Aslan was silent.

"Aslan, please. Was it something I did?"

"It was your time."

Susan paused. "Was it Peter's time, too?"

"Child, I tell no one any story but his own."

Susan lay back down, frustrated. "But Aslan, you are not telling me anything!" Susan was angry by now. "Aslan, please. Just tell me why I can't go back to Narnia!"

"You are too old, child. You must begin to come close to your own world now."

Susan had known what he would say before he said it; he had said the same thing when he first brought the news. As soon as he began, she covered her ears. _I don't hear it, I don't hear it…_

The voice of Aslan slowly faded away. As Susan finally drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help feeling a certain emptiness inside.

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Author's note: This is my first fic! Sorry, I know it's a common theme for Susan stories. Read and review, and be nice, please!


	2. Chapter 2

Susan tried to concentrate on her schoolwork, but once again, she was too distracted. She had tried to forget her conversation with Aslan a few nights before, but it had stuck in her mind and would not go away. Her tutor noticed her distraction and sighed. "Susan!" she said, frustrated.

Susan snapped out of her trance. "Oh…I'm sorry, ma'am."

The tutor, Mrs. Sanders, removed her glasses and glared at her. "Susan, this is the third time today I've had to get your attention. Will you please stay on topic?"

Susan looked back down at her textbook, but again, she could not focus. "Mrs. Sanders," she said, "do you believe in other worlds?"

Mrs. Sanders rolled her eyes. "Oh, Susan, of all the silly things…"

"No, really," Susan persisted. "What if someone told you that they had been to another world? A place more beautiful than this place, filled with mythical creatures and where animals could talk?"

Her tutor looked thoughtful. Clearly, no one had asked her anything like this before. "Susan, please. Have you been playing these silly games?"

Susan blushed. "No, ma'am, but suppose there was another world..."

"There is no other world like that. There are other planets, but there are no talking animals on them, are there? And what about those mythical creatures? The proper word to use would be _mythological._ They only exist in mythology."

Susan was silent. "But, Mrs. Sanders, maybe it's possible..."

"Susan, the purpose of this school is to prepare you to be an adult. And adults do not believe these things."

Mrs. Sanders placed her glasses back on her nose. "And now, back to biology. Look at page 57, under the words..."

Susan sighed and returned to her book, but her head was filled with too many thoughts. The memories were still there, as clear as ever: the dancing fauns, the mighty centaurs, her beautiful talking horse.

_Adults do not believe these things._

Susan closed her eyes and sighed. Maybe it _was _just a silly game...

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I know it was short, but more chapters are coming soon! Read and review, and be nice, please!


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Susan heard the whistle, she dove into the large pool and swam for the other side. She quickly passed the other girls, taking long, graceful strokes on the surface. Lucy watched from the side, cheering when she saw how easily her sister swam past the competition. Susan easily reached the other side first and climbed out.

"Well done, Susan!" called her instructor. Lucy shivered with nervousness as she took her place at the edge of the pool. It was now her turn. Susan had wrapped herself in a towel and sat on a bench, ready to see how Lucy would do.

At the sound of the whistle, Lucy dove in, not as gracefully as Susan but not clumsily, either. Lucy swam as hard as she could for the opposite side. She had been practicing her swimming for several weeks now, but she was still nowhere near Susan's level of experience. She gasped for breath when she reached the other side, and only then did she realize that the other girls had beaten her with almost no effort. She climbed out and walked to Susan. "Hard luck, huh?" Lucy said, still breathing hard.

"It's okay, Lu. It's only your first competition," Susan said, smiling. "You actually did very well, considering you only learned how to swim this semester."

Lucy grinned. "I'm just glad that this is the last time I'll have to swim until after Christmas. Aren't you excited to see Peter and Edmund again?" The Christmas holidays were onlya few daysaway, and the girls were traveling with their brothers back to their home in London.

Susan nodded. "The only thing I'm not looking forward to is that little pest, Eustace." Eustace was their cousin, and he was staying with the Pevensies while his parents were on a business trip.

Lucy frowned. "At least he's only visiting for a few days. We can't let him ruin our Christmas, even if he is a beast."

The girls stood and walked to the showers. Lucy continued: "I'll sure be glad to see the boys again, though. The four of us can talk about old times in Nar..." She paused, and glanced uneasily at Susan. For a split second, she thought she saw a sad expression in Susan's eyes. But the next second it was gone, and Susan smiled again.

"Don't worry, Lu. I've gotten over it. Don't think that you have to walk on eggshells around me."

The two sisters smiled at each other and continued to the showers. Lucy didn't notice Susan's smile disappear.

A dark thought crossed Susan's mind. _So, you still play that silly game? When are you going to grow up?_


	4. Chapter 4

Susan and Lucy greeted the boys excitedly when they finally reached the train station. After their hugs and animated chatter, they sat on a bench and awaited the train that would take them home. On the journey home, they all talked and shared stories of their experiences at school, and with the four of them together, they felt complete once again.

Awaiting them at the London station was their mother and cousin Eustace. Their mother ran to them with open arms as soon as she saw them, but Eustace just shuffled behind her, sulking. "You have all grown so much!" their mother exclaimed, after she had kissed them all on the cheeks.

"Oh, come off it, Mother," said Edmund, laughing.

"Are you all finished yet?" Eustace muttered. He went on to say how he had been pushed and shoved all day long in the station (he'd only been bumped twice) and how desperate he was to get out of there. No one took any notice of him, for this was his normal attitude.

After everybody had gotten their things, they flagged down a cab and piled in. "Oof!" said Eustace. "We never have this problem in the country. But, anything to get away from this beastly air; no doubt it's thick with pollution."

"Eustace, please…" sighed Susan. "The London air is not as clean as in the countryside, but it will not kill you."

"Over time, it will," began Eustace, and everyone, including the cabdriver, groaned as Eustace began one of his long lectures that he had learned at school about how the quality of the air would ultimately affect their lungs and health. Everybody knew he was just showing off, but trying to quiet him would only have made him lose his temper.

With Eustace moping around and their parents eager to know about school, the children did not get any privacy until that evening, when they gathered in Peter's room to talk. Naturally, the conversation drifted to Narnia. The boys had forgotten about Susan's behavior months before (or, at least, they didn't bring it up), and Lucy still believed that Susan had gotten over her pain, so the conversation came rather easily.

"So, Lucy, have you had any new adventures lately?" Edmund asked. Lucy laughed.

"No, I've been too busy working on my swimming lessons. How about you?"

"I'm afraid not. With all the professors watching us like hawks, there's no way I could sneak off anywhere."

Peter joined the discussion. "If either of you do manage to make it back to Narnia, make sure you tell us about it when you come back."

They then went on to talk about their past adventures. Susan, meanwhile, sat on the edge of the bed, feeling snubbed by her siblings. She had not participated in the conversation. She believed more and more that it was only their imaginations that had carried them to Narnia, and she was already getting tired of the subject. She didn't want to ruin their vacation, so she didn't bring up her real feelings; however, sitting there was continually making here more awkward.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and stood up. "Where are you going, Su?" asked Peter.

"Oh, just to get a drink," said Susan. However, as she opened the bedroom door, Eustace came tumbling through. Everybody heard a thump and a howl from Eustace.

"Ow! Ow! You've broken my nose!" Eustace whined. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"Oh, stop it, Eustace. Your nose is not broken, and you know Susan did not do that on purpose. Anyway, why were you listening at the door?" Peter asked.

"I wasn't listening! Why would I be interested in anything you have to say?" moaned Eustace, still rubbing his nose.

"Then why were you pressed against the door?"

"Hey! Are you accusing me of spying?"

"I'm not accusing you of anything!"

"Well, at least I don't go talking about imaginary countries! I know my geography, and there is no country in the world called Narnia!"

Edmund joined in the argument. "Well, technically, it's not in this world," he began, but Susan interrupted.

"Stop it, all of you!" She turned to Eustace. "Go put ice on your nose and go to bed."

"You're not supposed to put ice on it. You're supposed to…"

"Okay, then! Attend to your nose however you wish, and then go to bed!"

"I ought to report you for assault," Eustace muttered as he left the room. Everybody was relieved when they heard his door slam shut.

"Can you believe that boy?" said Lucy. "Making all that fuss over nothing…"

"And then having the gall to say that Narnia doesn't exist!" Edmund said, angrily.

Susan turned to them. "I think we should all go to bed. We've done enough talking." But as she moved to her room, Susan couldn't help but think that in spite of his annoying personality, Eustace was the only one in that room that night who had any common sense.


	5. Chapter 5

Susan sat, dripping, on the bench. Lucy swam laps around the pool as her instructor timed her and shouted encouragement. Lucy was definitely getting better at her swimming, and with the end of her last lap, she turned toward Susan and smiled.

It took Susan a moment to realize that Lucy was looking at her. She waved and half-smiled at Lucy, watching as Lucy caught her breath and prepared for her next set of laps. Susan tried to pay attention to Lucy's training, but her mind wandered as it had many times in the past few months. And just as before, it was about Narnia.

As she thought about it, she was yet again reminded of her disappointment. During the Christmas holidays, her siblings had spoken eagerly of their past adventures, despite the teasing of their bothersome cousin Eustace. For Susan, however, their eagerness only brought back a familier ache in her heart. She had not, as Lucy believed, overcome her pain, and every new discussion was like pouring salt on an open wound. It upset her that she could not participate in these conversations as happily as she once did. She felt as though her siblings were ignoring her, and while she knew this was far from the truth, it gnawed at the back of her mind.

Susan tried to tell herself that Narnia was only a figment of their imaginations. At first, she had not really believed this; it was only a method of escape from her discontent. She had even felt guilty whenever the thought crossed her mind, but when it did, the familier ache in her heart eased a little bit. This became a sense of comfort for her, and now, the more she said it, the more she believed it; the more she believed it, the less guilty she felt. She no longer thought of Narnia as an adventure, only as an imagination. With that delusion came consolation; she could not mourn for being unable to return to a place that did not exist.

Susan's thoughts were interrupted by a wet plop on the bench next to her. Lucy grinned proudly. "Did you see how fast I did those laps? My instructor says that I'm getting much better."

Susan smiled back. "You certainly are. However, I think you need to work on your breaststroke."

Lucy laughed. "Well, I have a few more days to work on it." This was the girls' last week at school; the summer holidays would begin the following week. "I'm trying to savor my freedom as long as I can," Lucy continued. "You and Peter are so lucky that you don't have to go stay with Eustace next week."

Susan nodded. Peter was spending his holidays visiting their dear friend Professor Kirke, and Susan was traveling with her mother to America. Lucy and Edmund, unfortunately, were going to stay with their Uncle Harold and Aunt Alberta in the country. Of course, that meant Eustace would be there, too.

"Don't let him get to you, Lu," said Susan. "You know he doesn't even have the courage to stand up to you, much less Edmund."

"I'll be glad when you and Mother come back from America. I always love it when we are all together."

Susan was dreading the inevitable mention of Narnia and was relieved when the swimming instructor called Lucy back to the pool.

_I used to love it too, Lucy._

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Author's note: The main purpose of this chapter is to explain why Susan feels the way she does and how it's affecting her relationship with her siblings. It also sets the stage for the events that happen in _Voyage of the Dawn Treader_. Read and review, and be nice, please!


	6. Chapter 6

Susan was weary as she rode the train to London. Her mother was asleep in the seat next to her, but Susan's mind would not allow her to sleep. Her experience in America had been amazing. Her father had gotten a temporary job as a teacher in New York, and she and her mother had spent their summer visiting the sites and shopping. There was so much to do, and Susan was never bored. Her parents had even taken her to a party with their adult friends. Susan had been shy at first, but the adults liked her so much that she opened up to them. In no time she was feeling like an adult herself as she talked and laughed with the others. Now, as she looked out the window at the passing countryside, Susan was sorry that the experience was over. Her father had remained in America to finish his teaching job, and Susan envied him for it.

The train finally pulled up to the station. Susan woke her mother and they stepped out into the crowds. Waiting for them were Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace and his parents. As Susan looked at Eustace, she noticed that there was something different about him; his usual scowl was gone, and he looked as eager to see her as Lucy and Edmund were. Lucy seemed ready to burst with excitement, and Edmund displayed an enthusiasm that Susan had only seen a few times in her life. As they neared, she was surprised to hear a cheerful greeting from Eustace. She searched his face for sarcasm, and was shocked to find none. The adults went off to find the luggage, leaving the children alone to talk. "So, Eustace, why the sudden personality change?" Susan asked, not unkindly. Eustace blushed but laughed.

"Oh, I guess you could say it was their good influence," he said, nodding to Lucy and Edmund. Susan was still unaccustomed to his bright tone of voice. "They'll tell you all about it tonight."

"Why don't you tell me yourself?" Susan asked.

"My parents and I are going back home after they find your luggage. They've done nothing but complain about the air in this city."

Lucy giggled. "It reminds me of someone else I know."

All four children laughed but were interrupted when the adults came back with the suitcases. The Pevensies waved as the Scrubbs climbed into their separate cab. They likewise flagged down a cab and went home.

Once home, the family chattered. Their mother made tea, and together they talked for hours. Lucy and Edmund wanted to know about America and listened in amazement to Susan's descriptions. Finally, late in the evening, they all sleepily headed to their rooms to unpack.

Susan gazed at her room for a while before setting her suitcase on her bed. She couldn't stop thinking about the party in America, and how she had fit in with the adults. Her room seemed silly now; a schoolgirl's room. Her closet seemed full of clothes that only a youngster would wear. Even her bed didn't have the same appeal it once did. After her experience with the adult world, everything else just seemed so childish.

Susan jumped when her door opened. Lucy came in. "Need help unpacking?"

Susan recovered from her surprise. "No, but thanks for offering. Aren't you tired?"

"A little, but that's not the real reason I came in. Would you like to know why Eustace has changed?"

Susan had completely forgotten about Eustace. "Oh, yes. Why didn't you mention it when we were talking with Mother?"

"Well, because Mother wouldn't have believed us."

Susan sat on the bed. "Why wouldn't she believe you?"

Finally, Lucy's excitement bubbled over. She hopped on the bed with Susan and pronounced, "We went to Narnia again! And Eustace went with us!"

"Narnia?"

"Yes! It was only a few years Narnian time when we were there last, so we met Caspian again. Reepicheep was there too, and we were all on a ship…"

Lucy babbled on about their adventure. She was so animated that she had not noticed Susan's expression. Susan had completely forgotten about Narnia while she was in America, and now, at the mention of it, it took her a moment to remember what it was.

"…all captured and sold as slaves, but then Caspian…"

Susan finally remembered. However, she didn't remember it as the Narnia she once knew.

"…turned into a dragon, and that changed his personality quite a bit, as you saw today. Anyway, afterwards, we…"

The adult world had changed her more than she realized. As she listened to Lucy talk, it sounded like nothing more than immature gibberish.

"…to the end of the world, which was covered with lilies, and then Reepicheep swam off. Then we met a lamb, who had cooked fish for us…"

Susan suddenly laughed. Lucy stopped, puzzled. "What's so funny, Susan?"

"A lamb cooked fish for you? Oh, Lucy, of all the silly things!"

"Silly?"

"It's wonderful to see how imaginative you children are. Fancy Eustace turning into a dragon; how fitting!"

"Susan, what are you talking about?"

"Alright, Lucy, I admit it. We were all so creative back when we first started playing that silly game. I'm happy that your inventive minds have rubbed off on Eustace. But you needn't continuously talk about it."

"Inventive minds?" A horrible realization had come to Lucy. She was pale as she stood.

"Of course! What else could it be? Fancy a mouse talking…"

Lucy stared in horror at her sister. "Susan…you never really accepted the fact that you couldn't go back, did you?"

"Go back? What do you mean, dear?"

Lucy knew that Susan wasn't just playing. Lucy remembered that as a Narnian queen, she had learned that the talking beasts were never to go back to the ways of dumb beasts, or else they would cease to be talking beasts. "Susan...you've forgotten Narnia…"

Susan straightened herself, as if she knew so much more than Lucy. "Of course I haven't, dear. I'll always remember what nice times we had in our little imaginary world."

Lucy's eyes were filled with tears now. She understood what had happened. Susan was a "dumb beast" once again. She sobbed as she fled from Susan's room.

Susan chuckled. She interpreted Lucy's tears as a child's frustration in the face of logic.

The transformation was complete. Queen Susan was gone.

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Author's note: The story is far from over. Read and review, and be nice, please!


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you sure?" Edmund asked. Lucy nodded, tears streaming down her face. Edmund sat on the edge of his bed, stunned. "I knew that she took it pretty hard when she couldn't go back, but I didn't think it would be this extreme."

Lucy wiped her nose. "What do you think we should do?"

Edmund shrugged. "What _can_ we do? Susan only thinks of us as little kids now. I think we should wait until Peter comes back from his visit with Professor Kirke. Maybe she'll actually listen to him."

Lucy agreed, and they spent several agonizing weeks waiting for Peter to return. Needless to say, they did not mention Narnia when Susan was around. Susan still greeted them cheerfully, but Edmund and Lucy sensed the difference in Susan's personality. They noticed how she talked to them and treated them as if they were inferior to her. They wondered if things would ever be the same again.

They were relieved when Peter came back. Peter hugged everybody excitedly and everybody eagerly asked him about his visit with the dear old professor. Edmund and Lucy acted as though they were happy, but in truth, they were impatient to speak with Peter alone, and the presence of Susan and their mother increasingly irritated them.

That night, when they were supposed to be asleep, Edmund and Lucy joined Peter in his room. Peter listened, stunned, as Lucy told him of her conversation with Susan and her honest belief that Narnia was only a game. When she was finished, Peter simply sat, hands folded, thoughtulness written on his face. Lucy was reminded of his rule as king of Narnia; he often assumed this expression when he had a difficult situation before him.

Peter finally spoke. "If Susan is really a dumb beast again, I don't know if there is anything we can do."

Edmund and Lucy sadly looked at him. Edmund asked, "Isn't there something we can say to her that would bring her to her senses?"

Peter responded, "In our years as rulers of Narnia, I cannot remember a single instance of a talking beast becoming a dumb beast again. However, I do know that the talking beasts could not speak with the dumb beasts because they could not understand. I think this is the case with Susan. Nothing we say to her will make her see the light."

Tears were in Lucy's eyes. "Then, can nothing be done?"

Edmund thought for a moment. "But, I suppose Aslan could do something? After all, wasn't it he who gave the beasts their ability to talk?"

Lucy agreed. "And remember when the mice freed Aslan from the cords that bound him to the Stone Table? Those were the ancestors of Reepicheep and the other talking mice. That certainly proves that he can make dumb beasts wise if they prove their nobility."

Peter nodded. "Yes, if they were never talking beasts before. But how do we know how he treats beasts that have turned away from him? Even the White Witch's wolves still had the ability to talk. How much more evil must a beast become before he has crossed the line? Aslan does promote justice, after all; remember when he killed the White Witch at the Battle of Beruna?"

Lucy spoke. "Yes, and he did acknowledge that the Deep Magic had to be followed, and by the law, Edmund should have been killed as a traitor. But Aslan is also very merciful; who can forget when he sacrificed himself in Edmund's place?"

Edmund also pointed out the difference between himself and the White Witch. "I actually wanted Aslan's forgiveness, but she never did."

Lucy pondered this for a moment. "He also doesn't force anybody to be loyal to him. He inspires and encourages, but he doesn't force."

Peter agreed. "So, he can influence Susan back to him, but the ultimate decision will be hers to make."

They all looked at each other sadly. Lucy stood. "Then there is nothing we can do."

Peter shook his head. "No. There isn't."

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Author's note: Sorry for the long wait; scholarship applications are killers. Read and review, and be nice, please!


	8. Chapter 8

Peter lifted the heavy suitcase into the back of the taxi. Edmund and Lucy watched from an upstairs window as Susan hugged him and thanked him. Susan was moving into her own apartment. She had done nothing except talk about it for several weeks, and the younger children were tired of listening to her plans of parties and social gatherings. Lucy especially missed the days when they could all sit together and speak of the Battle of Beruna or of their coronation ceremony. Now, with Susan leaving, Lucy's heart sank as she realized that those days were long gone.

Edmund and Lucy went downstairs together to say goodbye to Susan. They tried to smile and be happy for her, but they were annoyed by the way Susan patted them on their heads and spoke to them as a teacher would to a student. Finally, Susan climbed into the taxi and left, never looking back. Peter, Edmund, and Lucy all stood together outside long after she was gone. They watched the taxi until it was out of sight, and then they simply stared in the direction it went. Peter finally turned to his siblings. "I think it's time that we stop fretting over Susan."

Edmund looked up in disbelief. "You mean we should just forget about her?"

Peter shook his head. "No, of course not. We can never forget about her. I'm just saying that nothing will be gained by fretting."

Lucy sighed. "I guess you're right. Only Aslan can save her now."

Nothing more needed to be said. They simply stood in silence, watching as the sun began to set and the stars began to appear.Peter cleared his throat. "Come along, you two. We must finish packing."

Edmund's eyes lit up. "Oh, yes! Won't it be wonderful to see Professor Kirke and Aunt Polly again?"

Lucy smiled. "Yes, and Eustace and Jill as well! I wonder if they have gone on any more adventures lately?"

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Come on." Peter led his siblings to the door, one under each arm. "We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. We musn't let worry ruin our visit."

"I cannot wait till tomorrow!" Lucy said. "Imagine...all the friends of Narnia together again!"

As Edmund and Lucy went inside, Peter turned back to the horizon. _Not all…_he thought as he looked once more at the fading sun.

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It took Susan no time to get settled into her new apartment. She eagerly examined all aspects of it, trying to determine how many guests she could fit in it and how elegantly she could decorate it. She hardly gave her family a thought, until three days later, when she received a wire from Lucy. Lucy simply stated that they were having a wonderful time at the professor's house and that she wished Susan could be there. Susan smiled. _Dear old Professor Kirke_, she thought. _To think that it was in his home that our imaginations ran wild._

Days later, she received another wire, this time from her parents. They were visiting relatives in another part of the country, and they would soon be taking a train to Bristol. Susan rolled her eyes at her mother's message. _I do wish mother would stop babying me_, she thought. _As if I need to be reminded to do my laundry._

Susan was excited to receive a party invitation from her friend Karen. Karen was celebrating her engagement and throwing a party for everybody she knew (and some she didn't). Susan was delighted that Karen would consider her for her guest list. To think that this would be her first adult party since her trip to America thrilled Susan to no end. She began counting down the days till the party, and spent hours planning her outfit. She finally decided on a scarlet dress; she felt sure everybody would be impressed with her sense of style.

Susan was agitated with Lucy's next wire. "We had a nice time visiting with Professor Kirke, but we are coming home today. We are bringing a little surprise, too: the professor, Aunt Polly, Eustace, and Jill will all be visiting with us for a day or two! Short notice, I know, but mother and father said it was alright. Oh, and mother and father are riding on the same train as us! Quite a coincidence, isn't it?"

Susan was irritated. She enjoyed knowing things ahead of time, and this suddenly arranged visit was an inconvenience. _They will want me to socialize with them, and Karen's party is tonight!_ she thought. She thought they had a lot of nerve to make plans like this without consulting her first. Finally, she had a plan: _I will go to Karen's party anyway. After all, it is not my fault that I already have a previous commitment._

With that,she began preparing for the party. She put on her scarlet dress and stood in front of a mirror for hours, smoothing it out and making sure it was absolutely perfect. She then put on some black nylons and chose a black purse to bring with her.She spent another hour doing her makeup, occasionally frowning and making adjustments. The sun was setting as she curled her hair, and a smile played at her lips as the party time drew near. She was just slipping her shoes on when she was startled by a knock on the door. _Who could that be?_ she thought. _My family, no doubt._

She opened her door, smile in place, ready to deliver a cry of delight. She was surprised to see a police officer instead. He held a clipboard in his hands and a grim expression on his face. Susan was immediately worried. The officer looked down at the clipboard. "Susan Pevensie?" he asked.

"Why, yes. Is something wrong?"

The officer sighed. "I'm afraid there's been an accident."

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Author's note: Again, sorry for the wait. Read and review, and be nice, please!


	9. Chapter 9

Dead. All of them. Susan could hardly grasp the concept. She sat silently in a chair, staring at the floor as the police officer explained how it happened. "The professor and Peter were standing in the station, and the rest were on the train. The train's controls had become jammed, so it went around the corner too fast, and…"

"Peter and the professor were in the station?" she asked. He nodded. "What were they doing there? They were supposed to be on the train too."

"Apparently, they caught an early train about two days ago."

"But why?"

"We may never know."

He paused. Susan crossed her arms, her fingernails digging into her flesh. "So they're all gone?"

He nodded, sympathy in his eyes. "If there's anything the police can do to help, we are here for you. Would you like to accept donations?" Susan got up and opened the door for him. He took the hint and stood to leave. "I'm sorry."

Susan still stared at the floor. "Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault, and it can't bring them back." The officer left, shaking his head.

Susan closed the door and the tears began to come. She threw her purse down and kicked her shoes across the room, tearing her nylons in the process. She didn't care and ripped them off. Her makeup smeared as the tears flowed like streams down her face. She did not bother to wipe them. She ran to her room and collapsed on the bed, her scarlet dress scrunching underneath her.

There, Susan wept. She stayed there all night and did not sleep. Sometimes, she buried her face in her pillow and cried aloud; other times, she simply stared at the ceiling, silent tears running past her ears and into her hair.

Morning found Susan still in bed, most of her makeup gone and her hair flattened. Night fell again, and still she did not move. She ignored the telephone and did not answer the knocks on her door. She could not eat or sleep. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She looked like a mess and she knew it, but what did it matter? It angered her to think that just the previous day, her looks mattered the world to her, and the last thoughts she had of her family were how to avoid them so she could get to that silly party on time.

The thoughts of her family made her eyes fill once again. She thought of her mother and father, and how wonderful they had been when she was growing up. She remembered especially the time her parents were forced to send the children to the country during the air raids. Susan had known that it was a difficult thing for them to do, but they were willing to do it because it meant the children would be safe. Had Susan ever told them how much she appreciated it? _Had _she ever appreciated it?

And Peter. Susan could not forget how supportive he was of his siblings. The younger children always went to him with their problems, and Peter and Susan often had long discussions about what decision would be best for them. He was viewed as a second father figure for the children, and he was always helpful and encouraging.

Edmund. Susan remembered when he was a selfish little beast, and how he changed when they were at the professor's house. (_But what made him change?_ she thought.) She almost smiled when she remembered how he began looking up to Peter and making sure that Lucy was always okay. The night before Lucy was to go to boarding school for the first time, Edmund had gone into her room and hugged her, giving her support and confidence when she had been so nervous.

Lucy…sweet little Lucy. She had always been the brightest of the four of them. Even when everybody else was arguing and losing their tempers, Lucy always found ways to cheer everyone up. As she grew older, she had been the most compassionate and caring of all of them. Susan remembered how she herself was inspired by Lucy to do more for the good of others.

And the others, too…the dear professor and Aunt Polly. She could not remember having closer friends than those two. They were both old and wise, and even Peter often looked to them for advice. Eustace…Susan remembered when he, like Edmund, changed from a selfish little boy into a kinder and more thoughtful boy after Edmund and Lucy had visited him. (She thought again, _But what made him change?_) And Eustace's friend, Jill. Susan suddenly realized that she had never met Jill in person. She and Lucy had become close friends, so surely she was as sweet as Lucy was. Susan shamefully regretted that she had never met Jill, or even cared to.

All that she had ever loved. Gone, in a matter of moments. Susan tried not to think about how they died, yet she still wondered: _Did they die painlessly? What were their last thoughts? Did they even know they were about to die?_ Susan grieved that she would never be able to tell them how much they all meant to her. _I didn't deserve them. All they ever did was love me, and I took them for granted._ She suddenly spoke aloud to the darkness. "I have nothing left! Nothing!"

"Susan."

Susan sat straight up, startled. She looked around her room, but saw no one. She lay back down again, listening.

"Susan," the voice said again. Susan definitely heard it this time: a warm, rich voice, sweet and gentle, yet strong. Strangely, it sounded familiar.

"Who are you?" she asked, quietly.

"I have many names, one of which you once knew." Once knew. _This must be the voice of someone else I lost._ Susan tried to think of where she had heard the voice before, and was frustrated when she could not. _This person obviously meant so much to me at one point, and I must have taken him for granted, too. _She began to cry again.

"I know, Daughter. Grief is great. But you need not punish yourself for their fates."

Daughter. She knew that she had heard the voice call her "Daughter" before. But where was it? Susan sobbed, "What else am I to do? I have nothing left. They were all I ever loved, and now they're gone!"

The voice spoke again. "I am still here." Susan listened, and he continued. "I have always been here for you, even before you knew me. I was here, giving you strength and encouragement when you needed it most. Even when you turned away from me, I was here. And now, I am still here for you. I will never leave you."

Susan still could not remember who this person was, but she found that she was comforted by his words. Susan asked, "What am I to do now?"

"Believe. Believe in me, as you once did."

Susan thought. His voice sounded more and more familiar as he spoke. The more she thought, the more she began to realize that the voice did not belong to a person at all. From somewhere, she remembered golden fur. She remembered a lion, huge and bright, with a flowing mane, large paws, and a loud roar. Suddenly, as if from the deepest and darkest places of her memory, a name floated up. As she remembered the name, all memories came flooding back, and the recognition made the tears flow once more. "Aslan?"

Aslan said nothing more, but as she said his name, she heard a sound of rushing air. She felt suddenly warm, and she realized that he was breathing on her. A certain void in her heart suddenly felt filled. A light spread throughout her entire room, and in the midst of it was Aslan himself. Susan was shocked to see that his eyes were filled with tears, and she understood that he was grieving with her. She hugged him around the neck and fell at his feet, sobbing into his mane. "Aslan. Aslan."

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Author's note: The story isn't over yet! Read and review, and be nice, please!


	10. Chapter 10

Susan tried her best to remain unseen at the funeral. She wore no makeup and no fancy clothes, only a black dress and a veil over her face. Now and then, a friend noticed her and expressed a rehearsed condolence, but for the most part, she was unnoticed. That was the way she wanted it.

She watched at the gravesite until the funeral was over and the final guest had left. Alone at last, she walked toward the five graves. She stood there, silent, looking at the gravestones and piles of dirt that were the last reminders she had of her family.

Finally, she knelt. Regret sweeped over her as she closed her eyes, weeping. It was no longer guilt that she felt, but emptiness. She thought of all the memories they shared as a family, and she longed for them more than anything. She wanted to hold them, talk to them, love them like she never had before. The grief she felt was overwhelming.

Susan lifted her eyes to look at each individual gravestone. "I don't know if you can hear me," she said aloud. "If you can, I want you to know this: I am so sorry." Another tear rolled down her cheek. "I took your love for granted. I only cared about myself. Even on the day you died, I didn't even want to see you because I was so caught up in that silly old party. I've been such a fool, and I want you to forgive me." She paused and wiped her face. "Right before you died, that party meant the world to me. But now, I realize that all of you were my real treasure. I just never saw it."

Susan looked at the ground in shame for a few minutes before she continued. "I would trade everything I ever loved just so I could have one more moment with you. I wish I could turn back time, if only for an instant, just to see your faces again. It pains me to know that I will never again hear your voices. And if you hear nothing else, please hear this. I love each of you so much. I always have.

"Mother, Father, I don't know whether you know Aslan or not, but if you do, please listen. I think I have his forgiveness. I just need yours now."

Susan stood and began to walk away. As she passed Lucy's grave, she stopped and put a hand on the gravestone. "You never gave up on me, did you, Lu?"

She finally turned and walked toward the city. She looked back several times at the graves as her eyes were blinded by tears. As she walked down the sidewalk, she did not bother to flag down a cab, nor did she notice the usual bustle of the London streets. Enveloped in grief, she felt Aslan's presence once again. "Daughter."

Susan answered with her heart. "Aslan, I was such a fool."

"Happy the woman who knows that while she is still young."

Susan was oblivious to everything; the pedestrians on the sidewalk, the scenery, the traffic up the street. It warmed her to know that Aslan was still with her even when her family was not. Even so, the heartache did not vanish as completely as she hoped it would. "I would give anything tohave them back."

"Anything, Daughter?"

Susan realized that she was across the street to her apartment. She stepped into the street, completely unaware as the traffic began to move. "Yes. I would give my life if it meant I could see them again."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes. I miss them…and you, Aslan."

Susan looked up just in time to see a taxi cab speeding toward her. To her, it moved as if it was in slow motion. She was suddenly aware of pedestrians looking at her with horrified faces. She could see the cab driver's terrified eyes, and she realized there was nothing he could do to avoid her. She could not move, however. She was frozen with shock and fear.

In the middle of everything, she heard Aslan's gentle voice once more.

"Alright. Come live with me now."

Susan closed her eyes and opened her mouth for a scream that never came.

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Author's note: Final chapter coming soon, and it's going to be great!


	11. Chapter 11

Susan felt her body jerk violently, and she feltherself flying through the air. _This is it, _she thought. _I'm going to die._ She waited, expecting to hit the street at any moment. When she didn't, she still did not open her eyes; she did not want the last picture in her mind to be the dismayed faces of the people on the sidewalk.

When several minutes passed and nothing happened, Susan summoned her courage and opened her eyes, only to close them again due to the brightness. The sun was shining more brilliantly than ever. As her eyes adjusted, she was astonished to find herself standing in the middle of an open field. The sky was blue and cloudless above her, and she could see mountains in the distance. The field was covered in wildflowers of every kind, some of which she had never seen before. Hills dotted the landscape, and forests grew thick and green. Susan gazed in awe at the splendor around her and wondered, "Do I dare hope that I am in Narnia again?"

She suddenly felt insecure in the presence of such magnificence. She wished that she was not in her dreary funeral clothes; they were such a contrast to her surroundings. Then, as she glanced down at herself, she discovered that she was not in her black dress at all but a soft, silver dress that was as comfortable as it was beautiful. It felt familiar, somehow, although she could not remember where she had worn it before. At any rate, she was relieved to be in real clothes instead of the clothes of mourning.

Susan saw something out of the corner of her eye and turned to see something she had not seen before. Two beings were walking toward her, and as they drew closer, Susan realized what they were. She did not fear them, for they were noble creatures in the land of Narnia. One was a unicorn, and the other was a winged horse.

Jewel and Fledge had been contently grazing together in the field when they looked up and noticed Susan standing there. They approached, not cautiously but curiously. Susan watched as they neared, and could not remember when she had seen two more beautiful creatures. Jewel spoke first when they met. "Daughter of Eve, your face is new. What is your name?"

"Susan Pevensie."

Susan noticed a strange look pass over their faces, as if they were trying to remember something. Her name sounded distantly familiar to the two creatures, but they could not recall where they had heard it. Their concentration made Susan uncomfortable. "Please, can you tell me where I am?"

Fledge spoke. "Why, this is the land of Narnia, Aslan's country."

Susan trembled with happiness; she could hardly believe her ears. "How is that possible? Aslan told me I could never return to Narnia."

The animals looked at each other. "Well, she was not here during the last battle of Narnia," Jewel whispered. He turned to Susan. "We shall take you to Aslan. It is time we were getting back, anyway."

Fledge whinnyed. "Of course, the feast! Do you think we shall get back in time?"

"Feast?" Susan asked.

"This morning, Aslan announced a celebratory feast. He said something about a loved one who is returning to him."

Susan walked between the two animals across the countryside. They talked and talked about the last battle and the end of Narnia (the one that she knew), but Susan was lost in thought. A loved one? Returning to Aslan? _Could it be that he is celebrating my return?_ Susan wondered. Her heart quivered with the possibility, but at the same time, she was afraid. What if she wasn't who he was referring to? What if this was all a dream, and she would wake up in the hospital before she could see him or her family? Her thoughts clouded her mind, and worry soon overcame the hope in her heart.

"Here we are, Susan."

Susan looked up and was amazed to see large golden gates. She heard sounds of merriment coming from within. Looking past the gates, she saw people and creatures dancing, singing, and playing instruments. Farther still, she saw long white tables with steaming food and large flagons of drinks. She wasbreathless at the sights, sounds, and smells coming from within the gates.

The gates suddenly opened, and Jewel and Fledge led Susan into the city. Dazed, Susan followed, and was surprised to find that the merriment stopped upon her arrival. Every creature stopped and stared, curiously, as the unicorn and winged horse led Susan up the street toward a large hill. Susan recognized the faces of her family, staring at her with the same concentration that she had seen on Jewel and Fledge—the same wonder as to where they had seen her before. She noticed Professor Digory Kirke and Aunt Pollly standing to the side, with Eustace and Jill nearby. She saw the beavers,Tumnus the Faun, Caspian with Doctor Cornelius, Trumpkin the dwarf, and Reepicheep the talking mouse. All bore the expression of concentration.

There were countless others that she did not recognize, and they also had the same expression. They all had either served Susan when she was queen or heard stories in the centuries that followed, but now, as she walked, they could not recognize her. Susan was slightly troubled by their stares and fixed her eyes on the hill straight ahead of her.

In the next moment, she was unaware of everything around her, and her heart gave a great leap of joy. For on the hill, with light shining all around him, was Aslan himself, more regal and majestic than Susan had ever seen him. She left Jewel and Fledge and began running toward Aslan, throwing away every care she had and fell at his feet. Aslan touched her forehead with his nose. She noticed that he seemed just as happy to see her as she was to see him. Susan was suddenly reminded of the night that she rejected Aslan, the night that caused her to completely lose faith in Narnia. The shame of that recollection caused Susan to weep, and she looked at the ground, too ashamed to look in Aslan's eyes.

Aslan spoke with more compassion than Susan had ever heard. "Daughter of Eve, do not be troubled. Look at yourself!"

Susan looked down at the shimmering silver dress she wore and realized where she had worn it before.

It was her own coronation gown. She was Queen Susan once again.

Susan looked back up at Aslan and smiled through her tears. Aslan smiled back and, looking to the crowd, announced: "I present to you: Queen Susan the Gentle!"

Susan looked back and saw the crowd erupt. With Aslan's words, everybody remembered the experiences and stories. Everybody cheered and clapped, and Susan saw her family hugging one another and laughing. Lucy broke away from them and ran toward Susan. The rest of the family, and then the crowd, followed. Lucy jumped into Susan's arms, laughing and weeping, and Susan was then surrounded. Susan smiled and cried, looking back at Aslan as she was enveloped in hugs. Aslan nodded and spoke once again. "We have a celebration to begin, for the lost queen has returned home."

With that, the instruments, singing, and dancing resumed, and the feast began. Susan sat reunited with her family, and old dear friends came and welcomed her warmly. Throughout the party, Susan wept, but her tears were tears of joy. She could not imagine ever being sad again.

Queen Susan was finally home.

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Author's note: There you have it! Thanks to all my readers out there and for your advice. I hope you've enjoyed my first fanfic! And as usual, read and review, and be nice, please!


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